Why We should Wait for Marriage to Have Sex (Backed by Science)

Why We should Wait for Marriage to Have Sex (Backed by Science)


Westerners and Easterners have different perceptions on how to deal with sex urges, particularly about having sexual intercourse before marriage. Westerners generally accept the culture of sex before marriage, in dating or even hook-ups. Even though some Easterners are OK with that, the discussions about this remains taboo and unacceptable. I am lucky to several time have some real discussions with several Westerners about this culture. When I was asked about why I should hold on, even without the absence of the desire to do so, I replied that I'm not allowed, the religion reason. However, I can still see the big question on their minds, moreover when they do not embrace the same principles that have been planted to the Easterners heads since we were just kids. When we have different roots, it's difficult to share the understandings. Recently, somehow I got the answers incidentally when I learned about humans behaviors, and I would like to share you about this. As a disclaimer, this article does not mean to judge your choices of life, some dimensions and circumstances work differently between people and I understand that.

By the way, let's define what sex is first. I'm gonna quote it from Wikipedia LoL.

"Sexual intercourse (or coitus or copulation) is principally the insertion and thrusting of the penis into the vagina for sexual pleasure, reproduction, or both. This is also known as vaginal intercourse or vaginal sex."

Now, that we are ready for the definition, let's go to why we should wait for marriage to have sex.

1. The hormone will trap you

After having sex, there are hormones that will be released, both for men and women. For women, they will have oxytocin working. In the other side, vasopressin will be released on men's bodies. Both hormones will create feelings such as bonding, trust, and loyalty. And the impact? The impact will be good if you have sex with a person that has a good heart. But if not? You will linger to a jerk that maybe will take some advantages from you and manipulate you. That impact can happen for both sides, men and women. Next, if we recall about my previous post about the types of men, the pair-bonding and tournament, we know that men can be tournament and can be pair-bonding. The bad luck will occur if a woman has an intercourse with a tournament man. They will leave you and might find other women when you have some high hopes that the male will marry you and have beautiful children and live together in a beautiful house with flowers and an apple tree. Catastrophe!

2. Infanticide

Thinking that humans are homo sapiens and part of the Animalia Kingdom, we can learn about why a stepfather can kill his baby. Basically, animals will try to pass down their copies of genes as much as possible to the next generations. So, in animals, when they know that the children from the females that they own are not their own children, they will try to kill them. This phenomenon is called infanticide. I am afraid that this is also the reasons why it also happens in humans. My points is that, if we get a baby outside a marriage and one day we will have someone else as a husband, I am afraid that the baby will be in danger.

3. Tit for tat

Tit for tat means revenge in the game theory. Some people regard that having sex other than with them, even in the time before they meet, as cheating. If this happen, ping-pong phenomenon can happen and a couple can start to cheat each other like a ping-pong tournament! That will be like a hell.

4. Condoms are not 100% safe

If you only want sex before marriage for pleasure and want to avoid having a baby, think again. Condom is not 100% safe. When the probability of getting pregnant after using condom is unlikely, there is still chance that females can still get pregnant. 

5. Cognitive strategy to learn about relatives

Actually I forget what I was about to say with this point LoL. I drafted this article like a month ago. 

6. Another hormone will trap you

Dopamine hormone. Yes, the reward hormone. The pleasure that you get from sex is the responsibility of dopamine. And do you know what's the effect of this hormone? Just like drugs, this hormone can make addiction to us. And this is will be a hell to you if you do not have anyone to do that again because there's no string attached with the ones you have hook-ups with. If you do it in a marriage, it will be okay to have this addiction because your partner will be highly available LoL.

7. It is not natural

Based on an ethologist from Stanford, it is only humans that do sex for pleasure; other species have sex for reproduction*. This is kind of not natural. However, I don't wanna use this point as a reason to defend my point of view in waiting for marriage to have sex. This is because maybe I will do it too in my marriage in the future LoL. Also, to think of something as natural or not natural maybe can cause me to have a logical fallacy, the appeal to nature one.


So, those are the reasons why we should wait for marriage to have sex, besides the religion reason. Once again I don't wanna judge your life choice. If you have some opinions, please let me know.

*The ethologist said that this view is a classical view. The newer findings show that those are other species that also do the non-reproductive sex like bonobo chimps and some cetaceans. Nonetheless, sex for non-reproductive cause is still a specialty for humans.

**Disclaimer: the cover pictures in this site are from sources that declare the picture as are free to use.






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