Was Alain de Botton Right on How We Choose Our Partner?

Was Alain de Botton Right on How We Choose Our Partner?

toxic relationship

From his video series in The School of Life, at least several times I caught on how Alain de Botton thinks about human behavior on finding their partner. According to de Botton, humans are only attracted to, even when we agree that we are free to choose our partners, certain type of people. Here, we tend to choose familiar people. This is because, said de Botton, that we want to recreate the feeling of love that we experienced when we were just small. The negative impact of this kind of behavior is that we choose difficult partners. So, there could be a case when instead we choose the kind ones, we choose those who fulfill our needs for suffering in similar ways that we got in our childhood. However, just because this guy talked on Ted and also has a channel that nearly reaches 5 million subscribers, should we just automatically believe in what he says? To know the answer, particularly about this idea of choosing a partner, I did a small research on Instagram. Does the result counter the notion that de Botton brought?

Several days ago, I popped two questions to investigate people behavior regarding the construct that was mentioned by de Botton. Umm, actually I need to put some disclaimers here because maybe the result cannot be used to draw a conclusion whether or not the hypothesis is right. I did not use any statistical method and the number of people who participated in this study was too small. Also, the results of these answers were merely perceptions of the object of study. However, maybe I can see the tendency of the people in my social circle descriptively. 

The results are as follows.

1. Question: On finding a partner, do you try to find someone who has traits that are similar to your mother (if you are males) and similar to your father (if you are females)? For this question, 31% said yes and no for the remaining 69%.

2. Question (for married people only): Do you think your partner has similar traits to your mother (if you are males) and similar traits to your father (if you are females)? The result shows that 28% said yes and 72% said no.

PS. Unfortunately, I did not write down the number of people who participated in this polling and I couldn't find it now.

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